vanity!

Have you ever asked yourself "What does a whiskey-swilling 21yr old transguy look like 5 weeks after chest surgery, when he's out on the town for his birthday in the requiste gay bar uniform of tight black tank top and has, just hours before, accidentally trimmed his sideburns down to mere stubble?"

Fortunately, this is an empirical question.


Not too shabby, eh? I've got some more pictures to upload here, including some long-awaited pictures of my healing chest. Mary Ellen took a bunch of pictures of me Saturday night when we got back to the apartment after all of the birthday party adventures- they're delightfully scandalous, and I'll post some as soon as she sends them to me.

I must say, for all of my mutterings in the last post about negative body image, my overwhelming feeling these days is one of looking good, and it's a truly delightful relief. I look good! I feel good! I look in the mirror or I catch sight of myself in a window and I smile. It's a really excellent feeling. Sure, I want to hit the gym, and I'm looking forward to the days when my acne backs down and my stubble steps up.

But for the first time in a while (ever? since I really became conscious of myself as a sexual/embodied person, anyway.) I really like how I look.

I had an excellent realization on Saturday that this is it, this is my body now. Puberty's going to keep on keeping on, but my major body modification is probably done, [foreshadowing for future post about my thoughts on additional surgical options] and I can start settling into this body. As Rochelle put it, I'm "firmly settled along my future trajectory."

I love it. I love feeling attractive, and presentable, and secure. It's enough to almost make me forget what it was like feeling like a stranger in my own strange body.

Plus (!!!!!) this weekend I felt something in my nipples!!! Just slight sensation, to be sure, but enough to be able to close my eyes and tell when my nipple was being touched, and hey, it's sign of recovering nerves, and I'm extraordinarily excited. I will, naturally, keep you posted.