shot from a cannon

Let's do some compare and contrast, shall we? I thought I'd add in a few pictures for a little visual documentation to accompany my usual verbiage. Also because I'm feeling the milestones approach: I got another shot last night, and realized I'm nearing the six months mark for being on T. It's hard to believe how quickly the time has flown by. The changes have been massive, but certainly incremental, and it's getting hard and harder to remember what it was like before. I don't feel like doing a total rundown of changes at the moment, but I'll say that everything is continuing along a trajectory of masculinization. My voice continues to get deeper, and startle my friends and compatriots who haven't heard from me in a while. I'll probably do another voice post this afternoon, so pop on over and take a listen. My facial hair is coming in at a delightful rate of speed- I think I probably could grow an along-the-jaw beard now if I didn't mind looking sketchy for the few weeks of non-shaving it would take for it to fill in. I think I'll wait another few months so that it'll only take a long weekend of looking sketchy before I just look chic and stubbly. As you can see from these two pictures (and I hope you can tell which is the pre-T and which is the 5 months on T shot), I've changed quite a lot in terms of facial structure and mass...I've squared out, gotten more solid, gained some muscle and jaw line. All of which could be improved by some time at the gym, no doubt (well, maybe not the jawline, but the muscle/squareness), but I'm pretty darn pleased with what I've got given my rather sedentary lifestyle. My skin is not getting the best end of this testosterone deal...I continue to be sweaty, oily, and acne-prone. It's getting worse, but I'm hoping it'll stay manageable. If it gets too dreadful, I guess I'll have to find a dermatologist or something, but for now I'm relying on salicylic acid and regular face masks.

Some things testosterone-related aren't showing up in those two pictures, though. That would be the emotional/mental components- I almost wrote "non-physical aspects," but clearly it IS a physical change, just on a chemical level that's resulting in emotional ramifications. I think I can best describe it by saying that for me, T has been an intensifier. It hasn't created any new feelings or moods, it has just intensified things which were already there. It's not that I never got frustrated before, it's just that my fuse wasn't as short. Likewise, my sex life (libido, etc) has always been great, but testosterone has, er, intensified things.

I'm trying to be aware and conscious of my moods...I can recognize that things are cyclical, related to my two-week shot cycle. Yesterday morning I nearly got teary-eyed at the circ desk, reading about the Mets clinching the National League East title. Hormonal, much?

I no longer feel an intense sense of anticipation. For so long I was counting down to my chest surgery, and that's happened. And I was looking forward to testosterone changes, and those have definitely taken hold. I think now it's just a matter of being curious about the future- seeing how my chest will continue to form, seeing what color my beard fills in, etc. I'm looking forward to it, but I don't feel like my life is one long home stretch anymore. I got to the end and realized there wasn't a finish line, just a new starting line. I like it.

Last but not least, speaking of my chest: For your viewing pleasure! A shakey self-portrait that I took a couple of weeks ago. The scars have gotten even more pink and smooth since then...things are looking really nice...and the picture quality isn't great, but this should give you a general idea.