Thursday, January 31, 2008

beard, scars, etc

Time for another visual update!

First with the face shot.
I'm putting this one up because it rather nicely showcases not only my beard, but also the brand new smile-wrinkles I'm getting around my eyes. While it's true that I'm not a spring chicken anymore, I doubt that I'd be showing my lines quite so quickly if it weren't for the testosterone. As dermatologists and other assorted doctors will tell you, it's estrogen that makes your skin soft and smooth and glowy and young looking. I don't mind- it's frankly nice to see some signs of maturity on my face after feeling for so long like I was staring down a 14 year old every time I looked in the mirror. I was just commenting the other day when I saw a pre-T picture of me that I had such a baby face! Ro pointed out that my face still has some of the same shape- I haven't really lost the roundness that most people associate with babyfacedness. But what I really meant was that my skin no longer has that estrogen-plumped smoothness to it, that made me look like such a young boy (or, of course, a girl). Now, my face is starting to roughen, not least because of the facial hair, and I like it.

Next we have another beard view, and also a straightforward chest shot, though you can't really see my scars too well from this angle. You can see that my wispy chest pelt is growing, though!

Here's a better look at my chest scars. This is, let's see, just about 18 months since I had surgery. I've regained a lot of sensation in some of the areas of my chest between my scar and my nipples that were numb right after surgery, but there's still a wide swatch of numbness along the top of the scars themselves. Also, my nipples are still pretty numb, though I can feel pressure, and some sensation, and they do get hard and soft quite nicely, mostly as a reaction to temperature changes.
I used the flash for this one, and it reveals that I had just rubbed oil onto my scars. I'm using Dr. Palmer's Scar Serum ($9.99 at RiteAid) these days, and I try to do it twice a day when I remember, though I often only do it in the morning since it stays sticky for a while and I don't much like wearing a shirt to bed.
Here's another angle. You can see that the scars have faded the most along the front, and are still darker along the ends up under my arms. I think that's because there was more stress placed on the scar there, because I was moving my arms and moving the scar tissue more as it was healing. Also, you can see between the two shots that the visibility of the scars really depends on the angle that you're looking from, and the lighting. In bright light (and sunlight), they're much more visible, but they're also less visible when you're looking at them straight-on; they tend to blend into the curve of my pectoral muscle.

At any rate, I'm exceedingly pleased with my healing, and my chest as a whole. It's hard for me to remember what it was like before surgery- as in, the memories are fading, and also, it's hard because I don't like trying to remember. And it's harder still for me to wrap my brain around the idea that I might have not done this, that I might still have breasts today. This feels so natural, which I suppose is the pudding that contains the proof, or whatnot.


lunatopaz said...

"no spring chicken?" excuse me? you crack me up.

Anonymous said...

im in transition did you pay for surgery