tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-219192762011-12-05T10:24:47.433-08:00A Gender JournalElinoreply@blogger.comBlogger2211100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-88781287575078144332010-02-28T18:56:00.000-08:002010-02-28T19:58:45.305-08:00

Well, I don't know about the tail end of 2009, but I haven't been blogging since January in large part because my life was eaten up be rehearsals; I was in a community theater musical, and it was such fun! It was Cole Porter's Kiss Me, Kate which, as you may well know, is a musical about a bunch of actors putting on a musical rendition of Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew.My partner R. convinced

Elinoreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-70890285641173053542009-09-15T05:59:00.000-07:002009-09-15T06:25:08.128-07:00

I dug out my old fencing mask and glove last night- they still fit fine, and feel comfortable and familiar. They're both neatly labeled in my 7th grade handwriting with my old 7th grade name. Why couldn't I had been more restrained and just put my last name on there? How was I to know that nearly 10 years later I'd be trying to scrub that girl's name off my mask with nail polish remover?To no

Elinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-16468402858988290182009-09-14T18:52:00.000-07:002009-09-14T18:57:07.394-07:00

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-7059000576192205242009-09-11T06:04:00.000-07:002009-09-11T08:46:37.656-07:00

I started fencing again last night, for the first time in...at least 8 years, maybe closer to 10. It was wonderful. I fenced with enormous gusto from about 7th-9th grade, and some of 10th grade, i think, but then I moved off to college and then NYC and despite a few attempts at forming a club in college, never really had a chance to fence again. I'm very excited to reinvigorate my fencing career

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-42398843851069232152009-08-25T16:52:00.000-07:002009-08-25T18:27:01.088-07:00

I can be pretty glib about my transition. In some ways the seriousness with which I take it has traced a parabolic path- I distinctly remember a night out at an East Village gay bar in July 2005 (the Boiler Room on 4th & 2nd, if anyone cares. it was the night I first laid eyes on my partner R) when I ran into a young man I'd known for a brief time in college. He called out my old name with

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-28829819728131658122009-06-22T16:52:00.000-07:002009-06-22T17:18:42.626-07:00

It occurred to me this afternoon that my beard functions for me in some of the same ways that my neckties used to, as a sort of masculine armor. I was talking with some transmasculine friends this weekend about our respective masculinities, and the markers of that masculinity, and how important it was to have that masculinity firmly anchored.I used to wear neckties not for the reasons I do know-

Elinoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-88866394340839157262009-06-19T11:38:00.001-07:002009-06-19T13:10:27.736-07:00

Yesterday I found myself at a loss to answer the question "Why did you move to New York?"The answer is actually rather straightforward; I moved to NYC in 2005 because I had just graduated from college and decided that I wanted to pursue transition of some sort, and live as male. I knew moving to a new city would enable me to introduce myself whoever I chose, and what better city than The City,

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-47347815596504143792009-06-02T18:13:00.001-07:002009-06-02T18:30:23.392-07:00

Gosh, it's been a while since I've posted. More than two months, in fact! My 3rd year of being on T slipped by during that time, without much notice. Really, year three doesn't feel much different than year two...which I suspect is the crux of these writing gaps. My transition (and the entirety of my gender, really) isn't as interesting to me as it used to be. I foretold this, and I'm not

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-45130265401068113102009-03-26T17:09:00.000-07:002009-03-26T13:56:48.555-07:00

Time for another picture update, perhaps? I'm a bit fuzzy, pasty and plump after the most recent New England winter, but I couldn't get a good shot of my pot belly without revealing too much! Maybe next time.I feel as though I haven't changed much in the past year, but perhaps that's just because the changes are happening much more slowly. When I look back at pictures from a year ago, I can see

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-3614178938801098402009-03-26T05:54:00.000-07:002009-03-26T07:16:23.178-07:00

Oh man, I just had my hackles raised. I read Andrew Sullivan's blog over at the Atlantic, and while some of his conservative politics make me roll my eyes, I generally appreciate his insights; it can be quite refreshing to see the world through a perspective not aligned with one's own. Anyway, there's been a rather casual thread of posts in the past few days (see here and here) about trans

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-33933506453025650122009-03-04T17:14:00.000-08:002009-03-04T18:27:52.348-08:00

What does it mean when something's transphobic? Like homophobic (the undoubted inspirational term), it means to words or actions or behaviors that are anti-trans- I generally take it to mean something that is unfair, hurtful, offensive or meanspirited, and negatively affects trans people, whether directly or indirectly. Today I read an offhand comment that had been made on a friend's journal, and

Elinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-35759152977474621492009-02-05T06:41:00.000-08:002009-02-05T07:47:23.775-08:00

I've seen this story on a couple of blogs this morning, about a young woman in Germany who is apparently a rising pop star and transsexual.My first thought was to be please at the (for once!) reasonably respectful and positive writing; I found both the article and the blog mention pretty good in terms of pronouns, quotes from her doctors and family, etc. What struck me, though, besides the

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-40809282520571674402009-01-28T19:39:00.000-08:002009-01-28T19:52:26.342-08:00

Today I've been wearing a holter monitor, which is basically a portable EKG device that I've got to carry around like a fannypack with wires leading to electrodes that are stuck to my chest. It's not terribly inconvenient, and it's mostly a precautionary measure (I had some heart issues as a child, had a few palpitations in the fall, things are being ruled out), so it's not particularly scary or

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-21335372158543064662008-12-21T14:55:00.001-08:002008-12-21T18:02:20.857-08:00

Someday, words will flow again. Perhaps while I'm home for the holidays. In the meantime, I leave you with a few pictures that I snapped upon divesting myself of my snow gear this afternoon. Roughly two and a quarter years post-surgery, two and a half on T.I have been told my chest hair resembles an eagle.

Elinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-19067469292933732132008-11-26T10:01:00.000-08:002008-11-26T10:06:43.610-08:00

Pretty much last but certainly not least on my list of things I'm thankful for: muttonchops!

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-54723715693410441062008-11-17T16:57:00.000-08:002008-11-17T17:13:18.602-08:00

I'm glad to see that Duanna Johnson is getting some national coverage in the NY Times, and to see that the Tennessee Transgender Political Coalition received an outpouring of donations to help cover the cost of her funeral expenses. I hope that justice is served, and that some scrap of silver lining can be made of this too-common tragedy. If there is further accountability within the police

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-34972942766746589502008-11-14T07:12:00.001-08:002008-11-14T10:25:08.729-08:00

Thanks to Jack for saying, as usual, exactly the right thing about such a tragic situation. It is very bad that Californians decided to deny gay people the basic right of marriage. It is much worse that trans folks (especially trans women, especially women of color) are continuously disrespected, denied basic rights (including marriage, whether heterosexual or homosexual!), not to mention

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-34185459026265553632008-11-12T20:28:00.000-08:002008-11-12T19:03:50.837-08:00

I never got around to blogging about this back at the time, but when I was first hired for my new job, I had to fill out a whole bunch of forms for HR, some of which pertained to the health care plan that I would be covered by. There were two options, a PPO and an HMO, with thick booklets explaining the difference between the two.I didn't know much about the difference between the two, save that

Elinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-84360789460695589452008-11-10T08:59:00.001-08:002008-11-10T08:59:56.480-08:00

Another relevant/funny dinosaur comic!

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-1495351838006261762008-11-10T05:53:00.001-08:002008-11-10T06:04:20.774-08:00

A trans person was elected Mayor of Silverton, OR! I've found a few news items through Google News, (and deliberately haven't clicked on any of the Fox News clips- don't really care to spoil my morning with whatever they have to say!) and they mostly appear to be doing a good job of coverage. Stu appears to fall under the much broader gender-variant umbrella definition of transgender, and is not

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-16438158275547011422008-10-30T07:54:00.000-07:002008-10-30T09:17:52.981-07:00

So, my sister is a writer, and has written several beautiful essays about my transition and how it's impacted our family, etc. We talk frequently about co-authoring a book. She has had a piece accepted by the NY Times which will be published soon, and I couldn't be more proud of her.I'm also faced with something of a quandary. I haven't mentioned to anyone at my new job (or in my new town)

Elinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-12669476794038589282008-10-30T06:05:00.000-07:002008-10-30T06:14:40.381-07:00

Who knew I had so much in common with T-Rex?

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-1891377379602176352008-10-27T17:43:00.000-07:002008-10-27T18:20:43.517-07:00

My beard continues to fill in, which is quite reassuring now that I live up in the cold hinterlands of New England. Snow is forecast for the next few days (before Halloween! What have I gotten myself into??) and while I was just missing my muttonchops the other day, and thinking about going back to a sideburns/goatee/'chops situation, I may hunker down and wait til spring before I mess around

Elinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-62552741736320055872008-10-15T10:46:00.000-07:002008-10-15T11:10:58.789-07:00

When I tried to change my name last year, I was denied by the judge because I hadn't provided "proof of a sex change" and I was going from (in his opinion!) a female name to a male name.It makes me just spitting mad to think about the prejudice I (and many others) have faced when trying to do something as simple as getting a namechange....particularly when I read that this girl has no problems

Elinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-85108031290378533582008-09-29T11:05:00.000-07:002008-09-29T11:19:15.867-07:00

The ACLU has won its case against the Library of Congress, on behalf of a transsexual woman whose job offer was rescinded after she revealed her intention to transition. ACLU's press release is here. More details about the case, including the text of the decision (scroll down) are here.

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-69204390744734413052008-08-28T05:48:00.000-07:002008-08-28T06:10:33.777-07:00

I watched this amazing video the other day, via a Safe Schools blog, which got it from Bilerico, who got it, I guess from the originator, Jay Smooth.Here is a technique to put at the top of one's toolkit. It's talking about racism, and the excellent advice that it offers is directly applicable to other situations in which someone says something offensive or uncomfortable, and I want to call them

Elinoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-29544393122831325642008-08-23T09:09:00.001-07:002008-08-23T09:36:46.248-07:00

I'm a day late on my shot, because I was too crazed yesterday to remember that it was Friday, the day to pause after my morning shower to scrounge together some alcohol wipes, needles, syringe, find a spot on the edge of the bed with plenty of light, deliberate over which spot on which thigh to choose, so as not to run into any 'tough spots' (mysterious sections of my leg that feel harder to

Elinoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-61877217366414622372008-08-16T08:25:00.001-07:002008-08-16T08:36:36.558-07:00

hey, anyone in the NYC area- I just found out that today is the annual Trans on the Sands event held by the LGBT Center. It's a day at Coney Island where we all get together on th beach in our favorite fabulous beachwear, no matter our gender identity or bodily configuration or whatever combination of the two, and enjoy the safety in numbers to have a stress free day at the beach. Not to mention

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-11466636688358500792008-07-20T11:49:00.001-07:002008-07-20T14:44:42.195-07:00

It's two years minus six weeks since I had chest surgery. I remembered because I had to have my deposit in by July 19th, which was six weeks before my surgery date, and which also happens to be my partner's birthday, so the six week mark stuck in my head.I've been walking around shirtless a lot this weekend, mostly because it's been hotter than an overdone porkchop here in NYC, with fiendish

Elinoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-60765204855118654272008-07-18T12:44:00.001-07:002008-07-18T12:52:47.115-07:00

My mom told me I had to post this picture on my blog, even though it's slightly blurry, because it makes me "look like a Chippendale!"Have I mentioned enough times yet how nice it is to inhabit a body that I can be proud of, that I can joke around about rather than feel anguished (or at least embarrassed) about? I've mentioned before that I've got body issues that will never entirely go away-

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-76954090467257220382008-07-16T13:25:00.000-07:002008-07-16T14:19:04.295-07:00

Okay, I have to say that it is a delight to be receiving so many comments, but I am not exactly used to being so highly trafficked, and if it seems like I'm not really at the top of my Answer Every Comment game, well, it's because I'm not. So hi to all you new readers (or old readers who decided to start commenting) and thanks for your comments. I will try to reply/get back to you all, but

Elinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-40733323165124059342008-07-14T18:43:00.000-07:002008-07-14T19:08:32.581-07:00

I just got a rejection letter for a job that I'd applied for and been genuinely excited and hopeful about- interesting field, new step for me, I've the relevant experience that made me expect to get an interview, etc. I'm naturally bummed about it, but what takes it just that one step beyond is the niggling worry that possibly, just possibly, I didn't get an interview because I outed myself as

Elinoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-72198628390363436792008-07-03T19:13:00.000-07:002008-07-03T18:03:16.216-07:00

Well, not really. That's me on the Staten Island Ferry, and I thought it a nice illustration. In about 8 hours, I'm hitting the road with my sister to head home for a week, to Portland. I'm super excited, of course, but as always I'm feeling a little irrational nervousness about whether I'm quite up to snuff.There's no place like home, and sometimes no place that feels quite as judgemental. This

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-4335708057432621172008-07-03T12:42:00.001-07:002008-07-03T12:48:30.658-07:00

Another article about Mr. Beattie, famous pregnant man, also quoting Judith Halberstam, but in a much more appropriate fashion! First, it mentions that Mr. Beattie is scheduled for his C-section today, and I am keeping him in my thoughts and hoping that everything goes perfectly smoothly. He and his wife have been through a lot, and I hope very much that this birth process is easy-peasy.Anyway.

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-38229422240417792402008-07-01T08:32:00.000-07:002008-07-01T11:26:05.373-07:00

Is it just me, or has the pendulum swung back a bit in terms of media coverage and trans folks, such that nowadays, it's transmasculine people who are all over the popular media, rather than being a sidebar to all the articles about trans women?In the last year alone, there have been various in-depth features in the NY Times (usually in the Sunday Styles or the Magazine). Maybe I've missed out on

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-59135213238172097422008-06-26T07:29:00.000-07:002008-06-26T07:51:07.271-07:00

1) Right now, even as I type this, the first ever (ever!) Congressional hearing on trans issues is taking place in Washington. The Health, Employment, Labor, and Pensions Subcommittee of the Committee on Education and Labor is holding a hearing titled "An Examination of Discrimination Against Trangender Americans in the Workplace." Finally! The National Center for Transgender Equality has been

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-73818065564663283602008-06-17T09:36:00.000-07:002008-06-17T12:14:08.899-07:00

I'm not 100% on the same-sex marriage bandwagon, mostly because I think that it's by far NOT the most important priority the LGBT community (such as it is) should be focusing on. Of course everyone deserves equal rights (in fact, on several levels I can't even believe that we have to have a national discourse on this subject. How on earth anyone can truly believe that gay folks getting married is

Elinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-45475850739004194152008-06-15T14:46:00.000-07:002008-06-15T15:30:31.006-07:00

1) I don't understand how it works, but sometimes I feel like this hormone I inject every week has a sense of humor, and has decided to sit in my tear ducts and only activate them while I'm reading the Sports Section. Seriously, I know I just wrote about this, but I can't get over how my crying patterns have changed. I used to think the idea of 'guy tears' was silly, but maybe I need to rent Old

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-73854790435901515452008-06-13T20:09:00.000-07:002008-06-13T20:30:00.577-07:00

I wonder how long it will be- or if it will always be?- until I stop assuming every sensitive or touchy comment and question is about my transness.--Example 1: Yesterday, Rochelle and I were headed out to dinner with a friend of hers from high school and the friend's husband. A double date with someone you haven't seen in 8-10 years is always an adventure, particularly when you're both bringing

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-24606886655819399312008-06-12T09:06:00.000-07:002008-06-12T14:59:46.689-07:00

One of my favorite bloggers had this to say recently, about reading "Nobody Passes:"'An unexpected side effect of reading about FTM transsexuals was that I got kind of nostalgic for the concept of "butch," and wished there were more room inside the "female" label to express different looks and identities. I have no doubt that transgender people need to transition, but it's sort of abstractly sad,

Elinoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-76945875856785393932008-06-11T08:59:00.000-07:002008-06-11T09:33:42.732-07:00

via Joe.My.God and the Slog:Here at home, our newly anointed Democratic nominee likes the gays! And that includes us trans folks, whether we're gay our not. Nice to know that we will (hopefully!) soon have a president who will say the word 'transgender' out loud in a supportive context. "I am proud to join with our lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered brothers and sisters..."In a land far,

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-10031632643794565032008-06-10T13:17:00.000-07:002008-06-12T14:57:34.204-07:00

This heat wave we've been having has gotten me to remembering one of the very few dresses that I ever truly enjoyed wearing. It was a very simple knit cotton shift, sleeveless, ribbed, of a dark forest green color, and it came to somewhere above my knees. When I was in middle school, I used it as a kind of housecoat in the summertime, wearing it about the house in the heat. It was perfectly,

Elinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-10836655550811114302008-06-05T06:26:00.000-07:002008-06-05T07:10:28.409-07:00

I'd rate my experience at the Trans Health Conference in Philly last weekend as positive overall, but not particularly life changing. I had some frustration with the organization- the Chest Surgery Show and Tell workshop, which I was coordinating, was scheduled at the same time as the workshop for Post-Transition Men...a distinct conflict of overlapping interests which was not rescheduled,

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-68235989119095842142008-05-27T12:03:00.000-07:002008-05-27T12:06:06.966-07:00

Interesting statement about the definition and cause of transsexuality, according to an organization based in the UK.

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-25662745259124002102008-05-14T06:37:00.000-07:002008-05-14T08:21:17.923-07:00

Well, two years on T slipped by faster than I'd have thought possible. I didn't make much of a fuss (in fact, I made zero fuss) last month when my "maniversary" went by. It's three years since I decided to transition, and two years on T (April 10th, to be precise), and you know...the more things change, the more they stay the same.I talked to my doctor last time I saw him about maybe switching to

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-2813723836040922112008-05-01T10:58:00.000-07:002008-05-01T11:20:42.831-07:00

As I've mentioned, I don't cry very much these days. There are still some things that cause me to tear up, and others that, while they don't prompt actual moisture, still give me that tight gut feeling of "awww!" (In a similar vein, if I ever need a surefire tearjerker, I can always head over here.)But getting teared up over that softball player got me thinking about my emotional instincts. As

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-16763532109819787692008-04-24T19:27:00.000-07:002008-04-24T20:09:40.063-07:00

An encounter with a Bad Barber (seriously, who thinks creating a separation between head hair and facial hair is a good idea?) yesterday meant I had to shave off my lovely beard this morning. Naturally, I took the opportunity to have a little fun.As you can see, I'd been getting rather shaggy!But alas, I let my friend give me a home haircut, and then had to go to the barber to fix the damage. He

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-86362841053403216172008-04-12T07:52:00.000-07:002008-04-12T14:49:50.319-07:00

Last night I went to an alumni event organized by my college, and mingled and schmoozed with everyone. For the most part, there aren't any hiccups about me or my new gender presentation. Everyone I was remotely close with knows the score, and most of the next concentric ring has been filled in via the grapevine or facebook. All of the staff from the college who were working the event were new

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-6174896720500600902008-04-09T08:52:00.000-07:002008-04-09T09:25:09.254-07:00

My father came to visit for a hot minute last weekend, which was a nice time- our visits to each other are pretty infrequent, so it's always good to see him. As he has done every time I've seen him since I started transition, he specifically took a moment to tell me "Son, you look terrific. You look really great."It's always a pleasure to hear, and every time I'm touched at his efforts to be

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-18879191755126191532008-04-05T06:54:00.001-07:002008-04-05T07:39:56.946-07:00

Here are a few shots from last Monday, when I needed a break from unpacking (my partner moved in with me over the weekend- hurrah!) and decided to indulge my fashion shoot instincts for a moment or two.In this first one, I like that the first thing I notice is probably completely invisible to everyone else; it was "cool, you can see my scar!" But of course I don't mean the scar that y'all are

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-68287336471752753902008-03-27T12:32:00.000-07:002008-03-29T14:36:25.075-07:00

I 'misfired' this past Wednesday morning while giving myself a shot. That's the only way I can think of to describe it- it's something that's happened a couple of times before. I'll give myself a shot, with no trouble, maybe a little bit of pain but nothing out of the ordinary. But then, the next day, I'll start limping from some pretty bad stabbing pains in my leg. Not stabbing, so much, as

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-85440293980981639722008-03-25T12:25:00.000-07:002008-03-25T13:22:08.554-07:00

My mom had a chance to meet some of our distant relatives from Norway this past weekend, who were visiting the States. Three people came over- an old man who was her father's (my grandfather's) first cousin...their mothers were sisters. He brought his daughter and his granddaughter with him. He understood English quite well, but couldn't speak much, but his daughter and especially his

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-90141997926353196942008-03-22T17:07:00.000-07:002008-03-22T14:31:16.750-07:00

[another half-finished post finally rescued from limbo. I'm really on a roll today! also, as with all sex-related material on this blog, I'm going to post the disclaimer that people who might read this blog but with whom I don't usually discuss my sex life, please feel free (nay, encouraged!) to skip over this entry, or at least pretend that you still don't know anything about my sex life the

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-48156127027824508692008-03-22T15:43:00.000-07:002008-03-22T13:20:12.657-07:00

[I started writing this post a few months ago, and just got around to finishing it today. interestingly enough, the sentiment about gains/losses it ties a lot into thoughts I've been having about babies, and the thoughts about the changes I've seen in libido have stuck with me, too- both thoughts which I've started exploring in other half-finished posts.]As stated so succinctly by Dolly Parton (

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-77185439379173028252008-03-22T08:03:00.000-07:002008-03-22T10:44:14.356-07:00

There was an article in the Sunday New York Times Magazine last weekend about a transguy who goes to Barnard, which is a women's college. I've met the guy a time or two, and he seems like a good guy, so I'm particularly glad that this was, on the whole, quite a good article.It brought up the 'trans issue' not in a sensationalist way, but rather as a thoughtful examination of an interesting

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-29271694314026913262008-03-21T13:53:00.001-07:002008-03-21T14:02:55.753-07:00

So the trans issue of Out Magazine has hit the stands, and looks to be pretty good. The photo shoot that I was almost a part of (alas!) is actually really good. I was a bit wary when I heard that I didn't 'fit the look' that the photographer was going for, because I know that to a lot of people, I don't look particularly "trans" anymore, in the sense that most people automatically read me as male

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-51489188200081588112008-03-04T07:21:00.000-08:002008-03-04T07:40:21.895-08:00

I had a few flashes of insight this morning into things that I take for granted now that now fly under my radar until something happens to jolt me into reflection.The change in my upper body strength, for instance. I've never been one for really working out (despite frequent thoughts and plans and mapping out of three day workout splits), and in the past 2 years, my musculature has increased

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-40927726324498669482008-02-27T13:09:00.000-08:002008-02-27T13:53:56.823-08:00

As I was blearily scraping away at my face in her bathroom yesterday morning, Rochelle asked me where I'd learned to shave. I think the best I could come up with is "Uhh....here and there."Now that I think about it, though, the history of my shaving education is quite an interesting amalgamation of knowledge. I remember only once as a kid being close to a grown man shaving his face, and that was

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-5370362102591681712008-02-27T11:29:00.000-08:002008-02-27T08:29:50.381-08:00

So, file this one under "Situations related to my transition in which I try not to be irked and inevitably fail:"I get annoyed when people react to my physical transition with surprise. When I went to karaoke a few weeks ago and Miss Jackie did a double take because she didn't recognize me with my facial hair, and then asked "Wow, what did you use, Rogaine?" When I answered in the negative, she

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-38655661372228488452008-02-21T13:12:00.001-08:002008-02-21T13:37:16.861-08:00

I was helping a woman at work yesterday and she commented on my Martin van Buren muttonchops."I like your facial hair! You men have so many options." Ha! I thought to myself. It's true! We do! I'm enjoying my muttonchops a lot, despite the fact that I now have more cleanshaven surface area to maintain. It's nice, too, because without the moustache (and the corresponding obvious space where it

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-8709661778624918932008-02-12T12:22:00.000-08:002008-02-13T10:00:14.276-08:00

[ETA: More coverage and eloquent explanation of this tragedy can be found over at Feministe.]I read something pretty offensive on Gothamist.com the other day, and dashed off the following email to the author with the subject heading "wow, way to be offensive."--This is in response to the 'news item' you posted yesterday on Gothamist.com about the transwoman found murdered in the Bronx. (http://

Elinoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-922382497984565812008-01-31T06:01:00.000-08:002008-01-31T08:50:05.824-08:00

Time for another visual update!First with the face shot. I'm putting this one up because it rather nicely showcases not only my beard, but also the brand new smile-wrinkles I'm getting around my eyes. While it's true that I'm not a spring chicken anymore, I doubt that I'd be showing my lines quite so quickly if it weren't for the testosterone. As dermatologists and other assorted doctors will

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-67691562216086128592008-01-23T14:51:00.000-08:002008-01-23T12:07:37.502-08:00

My sister and I are going to visit our father who art in Massachusetts in a few weeks. We're going to head up to his place for the weekend and do a little candlepin bowling and then all watch the SuperBowl together, which seems like it'll be a nice little trip with enough pre-planned activities built in to keep all of us from stressing.I really like spending time with my Dad, probably because I

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-64826120670851471112008-01-16T08:19:00.000-08:002008-01-16T08:29:55.452-08:00

Well, I just submitted a very last minute (technically late, since the deadline was yesterday) proposal for a workshop to the Trans Health Conference that happens every spring in Philadelphia. This year it's over Memorial Day weekend, I think. I went last year, and thought it was a reasonably good conference. There was some talk online in an FTM forum that I'm a part of about the Chest Surgery

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-4398627875036511732008-01-15T14:19:00.000-08:002008-01-15T15:01:09.716-08:00

I heard this from a friend the other day, while the friend was describing reasons that their recent ex had given as to why the ex didn't think they could be together long term: "And then he said...and don't take this personally...that he didn't want to raise a family with someone who has a transgender best friend."I didn't really mind the "don't take this personally" bit from my friend, because I

Elinoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-28607312250465906312008-01-14T11:44:00.000-08:002008-01-14T13:00:54.527-08:00

Been almost a month since I've posted- whew! If my pattern holds, expect a flurry of posts in the next day or so as I catch up with everything. To start off, here is a mishmash of moments I've had in the past few weeks that have all ended with me thinking "well, there's one for the blog."---------While at home for the holidays, I went for tea at the Pied Cow (fave Portland coffehouse) with an old

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-77568733292274666682007-12-16T23:09:00.000-08:002007-12-16T20:50:53.551-08:00

I'm going home with my partner for New Year's, and I'll be staying with her family for a few days, and meeting her friends from high school and her grandmother, etc. I'm quite excited, and the usual small amount of nervous. I'm also curious as to what it's going to be like for her to bring home a man, since she once spent no small amount of courage and energy explaining to her loved ones that

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-22646273225325850712007-12-15T21:30:00.000-08:002008-01-26T09:51:34.581-08:00

I went out tonight and saw some people that I went to high school with, one of whom I haven't seen since high school itself, practically. He didn't really bat an eye, just chatted with me like everyone else. One of the other guys, who I've seen frequently, complimented my mustache, and asked me, with genuine curiosity, if I get hit on by guys.Now I'm home and, reflecting on those interactions, I

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-54933944509518498142007-12-15T17:32:00.000-08:002007-12-15T15:06:40.634-08:00

What is there to say to people who make unknowingly loaded comments? On the mild end, there's the regular patron at the library where I work who said, six weeks ago, "hey you've got some fuzz going!" stroking her chin to indicate my nascent beard. I replied, a bit sheepishly, "Well, it's wintertime, gotta keep the face warm!"Fine. But when she says "You didn't do it last winter!" what do I say? I

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-25074949642566250732007-12-01T20:43:00.000-08:002008-01-26T11:17:59.193-08:00

I got home to find that the last piece to the puzzle of my legal identity had arrived in the mail.It took an astonishingly fast three weeks or so- I sent off the complete application, my certificate of citizenship with my old name and picture of my 10 year old tomboy self on it, and certified, notarized, original copies of a) my name change court order and b) my letter from Dr. Brownstein saying

Elinoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-90012634157916758172007-12-01T12:56:00.000-08:002007-12-01T14:42:41.313-08:00

I found out last week that Jane Rule died at the age of 76. She's a favorite author of mine, a "pioneering lesbian writer" though she was something of a reluctant poster-child, as those obits make apparent. Nevertheless, she recognized the dearth of lesbian writing and lesbian role models in Canada (or anywhere, really, at the time) and stepped up, writing for the gay press, and granting plenty

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-83158210649888712862007-11-21T06:27:00.000-08:002007-11-21T07:47:39.247-08:00

I had a few moments of dysphoria last night, that lasted into this morning for a while, and it took me until breakfast to figure out why I was so withdrawn and shut-down feeling. I'm not used to those feelings anymore (a fact for which I'm very grateful) and it was hard to realize that I was feeling, once again, a specific grief/frustration with my body and how it is formed and what it can do for

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-68972228113848251912007-11-14T14:06:00.000-08:002007-11-14T14:38:56.444-08:00

I'm going on a field trip tomorrow night- a friend of mine is taking me to the Eagle for Code Night. It's a gay leathermen's bar, and on Thursday nights they enforce a dress code: leather and uniforms only. I'm going to whip out my leather pants for the occasion, and my friend told me that I would probably be fine wearing those and a white tank- he could loan me a uniform shirt if I wanted or, he

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-1691506547511606092007-11-06T11:43:00.000-08:002008-01-26T09:52:31.469-08:00

I haven't posted here about it yet, but after giving blood last week, I got a letter from the Blood Bank requesting that I "refrain from future donation." After calling them back and discussing the matter, I'm not allowed to donate blood anymore. I wrote a couple of long posts about it over at the FTM livejournal community, so I'm just going to link it (click here) rather than rehash it. There's

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-74702614201657823332007-10-26T11:32:00.000-07:002007-10-26T11:49:21.354-07:00

I'm getting out of work early today, and I'm going to use the extra time to go to the Red Cross Blood Drive that's happening across the street this week. I'm having a difficult time deciding whether or not to lie (by omission) on my intake forms or not.There are three questions that give me trouble, and each time I try to decide how to deal with them, and thus far I've been (mostly) honest, and

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-27291510426115758232007-10-18T07:39:00.000-07:002007-10-18T07:46:52.612-07:00

I received an email advertising for a training being held in early November for HR professionals around trans issues in the workplace. On an impulse, I forwarded it to a friendly woman I know in the HR office at my work, and lo and behold! She got back to me and promised to spread it around and see if they could send someone over to be trained. Sweet!I thought I'd repost the information here, in

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-60305749435609939952007-10-14T20:49:00.000-07:002007-10-14T21:09:04.435-07:00

I have to give a quick shout-out to the book I'm reading, Whipping Girl by Julia Serano. So good! The author is wicked smart, is writing from a very sensible perspective in clear articulate language that neither caters to the layperson nor obfuscates with jargon. She has a lot of fresh and new (to me, at least) ideas that make a whole truckload of good sense, and I have the feeling that once I've

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-41309031547253391242007-10-06T18:55:00.000-07:002007-10-06T19:54:16.221-07:00

Headline pretty much says it all. This is my chest (complete with patchy chest hair!) 14 months after my surgery. I've mostly given up rubbing anything into the scars, though I guess I still use the cocoa butter once every other day. One of these days I might try to pick up and use another tube of Mederma or that Palmer's Scar Serum, but I'll probably give it a while and see how they continue to

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-47818684681544071922007-10-04T15:57:00.000-07:002007-10-04T17:31:52.370-07:00

I had an experience at the doctor's office today that's left me a bit nonplussed; I suppose I'll need to get used to explaining myself, when I move out of NYC and away from my very knowledgeable, respectful doctor. I was startled today because I did go to Callen-Lorde, which is the LGBT center- I guess it's too much to ask for that even the medical professionals at an LGBT health center be

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-67173219293963508312007-09-15T08:02:00.000-07:002007-09-15T12:05:42.147-07:00

I'm going to use this post as a dumping ground for a whole bunch of links to PubMed articles that someone thoughtfully collected about a couple of alternative methods of T delivery- pellet implantation and long-lasting shots.Seems like both of these options have been explored as various hormone delivery methods, for birth control and also for hormones for non-trans folks. The general idea is to

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-4041263550474476832007-09-05T21:28:00.000-07:002007-09-05T21:39:04.481-07:00

Following are a few pictures from my last beard attempt, in July. the first is me joking about my vaguely Amish look, given the lack of moustache. the other two show the second, luck-o'-the-Irish iteration of that beard. It was nice 'n reddish 'n fuzzy, and I miss it, but these pictures definitely confirm (in my mind) the correct decision to shave it off. it was immature. needs more time to ripen

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-57612656445034895092007-09-05T21:00:00.000-07:002007-09-05T21:28:26.746-07:00

Mmm, it has been a while, hasn't it? Not so much to report. I haven't been working out, so I've lost all those lovely muscles I had for a few weeks in the middle of summer. Since being on testosterone, I've felt worse about myself when I don't work out; I feel much more keenly the wasted potential, the possibilities of fitness that I could achieve with T's help. I have more muscles now than I

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-54442390629230114952007-08-11T17:40:00.000-07:002007-08-11T18:22:44.106-07:00

Tomorrow I'm going to Trans on the Sands, an event sponsored by the Gender Identity Project, at Coney Island from 11-5. Click the link for info/directions if any of y'all are in the NYC area.I'm looking forward to a day at the beach, for sure- especially since it will be precisely one year and three days since I had my chest surgery, which means shirtless shenanigans for sure! I've been really

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-88364519305851771612007-07-30T14:28:00.001-07:002007-07-30T14:45:29.019-07:00

This past weekend I had what was probably the most flummoxing and yet most entertaining moment of disclosure that I've ever had. I was at a music festival with my girlfriend, a lesbian couple who are close friends of hers, and a straight woman friend of theirs. The couple are getting married (legally, in Massachusetts) next year, and we were talking about which states allow gay marriage when I

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-11407835528918135352007-07-30T12:29:00.000-07:002007-07-30T09:30:57.046-07:00

Check out this link to the video I mentioned a while ago, taken by a guy wandering around the Pride Parade with a camera. You can see some TMC Network folks being very articulate, as well as me, about halfway through, with my charming sister. I'm floundering a bit and I don't really answer his question, since I didn't quite know how to, but it's interesting to watch, anyway.--http://

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-36296357127563452592007-07-30T11:11:00.000-07:002007-07-30T08:33:08.473-07:00

This weekend, while camping and attending the Falconridge Folk Festival, I had the opportunity to duck over to the town I went to college in and jump in a river with some friends. Oh man, it was so good. I realized as I was splashing around that I haven't gone swimming in a year- not since I had my surgery last August. I'm about a week away from my Chestiversary, and with plenty of sunscreen

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-82238770358228792292007-07-09T12:40:00.000-07:002007-07-09T09:51:21.765-07:00

I went to Callen-Lorde a week or so ago for my one year on T bloodwork- a little late, since I'm actually around the 15 month mark. Still, close enough, given that everything came back fine last time.As it mostly did again- my doctor went over the lab results line by line, and congratulated me on my great blood pressure, cholesterol, liver function, kidney function, etc. Apparently I'm in rather

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-49252308681281144052007-07-08T07:55:00.000-07:002007-07-08T08:23:12.731-07:00

Second two pictures are from late last week, after I'd just finished one of my sporadic (but growing more regular!) homestyle workouts...I think you can just see my Swiss ball in the background! First picture was from a photoshoot I did with my friend Mary Ellen as my "pre-t documentation" last March. We went and messed around in the photo studio for an hour or two, and she kindly took a bunch of

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-61152300897086743222007-07-01T13:28:00.000-07:002007-07-01T13:51:33.169-07:00

The other day, I was in the company of a transwoman friend of mine, and she did a small favor for me, to which I enthusiastically responded "Thanks, dude!"She cheerfully but very quickly said "I'm not a dude, but you're welcome!"And my face must've fallen slightly as my heart broke a little bit, but I covered up fast with "Then thanks, dudette!"I know exactly what it's like to be so sensitive, to

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-41215697547073623882007-06-28T21:30:00.000-07:002007-06-28T21:43:22.987-07:00

It's a funny thing bout my gender dysphoria...I didn't realize the extent of it til it was gone, in some ways. What gets me thinking that tonight is the realization that I really like how I look now. I consider myself handsome, and attractive, and while I fret about my love handles like everyone else I know (about their own, presumably, not mine) I have a basic level of satisfaction in myself and

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-62370205228287481402007-06-26T08:51:00.000-07:002007-06-26T12:36:11.061-07:00

and a few more pictures!Pride was really a good time, discounting the hot/sweaty/waiting around two hours for us to have our turn to start marching parts. Once we got going, it was real nice to be a part of something so big, and filled with such positive energy. Everyone watching was smiling and cheering, and we spent lots of time waving to the crowd, and getting waves back. I've mentioned before

Elinoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-29696576444594424662007-06-25T09:47:00.000-07:002007-06-25T09:51:03.456-07:00

I marched with the Transmasculine Community Network in the New York City GLBT Pride Parade yesterday- super fun! A lot of us wore TMC Network t-shirts that read (albeit in miniscule print) "The T is not silent!" My excellent sister wore a hand lettered tank top that read "I *heart* my trans-man twin!"That's me looking scruffy and Kate in all her sharpie ally glory...I thought about writing "I *

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-66556214263600496802007-06-19T20:53:00.000-07:002007-06-19T20:59:25.215-07:00

or in other words, have you ever wanted to know what I look like, as they say, IRL. Have you ever dared dream of the day you'd see me become a....what is it now....vlogger?See what the digital age hath made possible.First video, April 12, 2006. Second, June 19, 2007.I know, right? I said it, too. "Whoa, turbo!"warnings/apologies: vocals seem to be slightly out of sync in the first video, the

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-1497949878423313042007-06-18T18:05:00.001-07:002007-06-18T18:09:34.834-07:00

please to forgive vacant open-mouthed stare, unruly chest hair patches, glimpses of messy room, etc.

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-20720452479846341132007-06-14T11:13:00.000-07:002007-06-14T11:31:24.829-07:00

I realized the other day that one of the benefits I get through my work it the option to enroll in a pre-tax medical expenses flexible spending account. In other words, they take out money from my paycheck pre-taxes, and use it to reimburse me for medical expenses incurred over the course of that year. Up to $3,000 can be taken out per year. And I ask myself...why the HELL didn't I use that to

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-36748550392354835322007-06-08T15:35:00.000-07:002007-06-08T12:53:56.705-07:00

So I'm going to see some some movies on Saturday with the Transmasculine Community Network (aka all my buddies). There are four films being shown (Gender Redesigner, Bro Crush, F Scott Fitzgerald Slept Here , and Kaden) and it's only 7 bucks for students (13 for everyone else, at the AMC Lowes on 34th Street at 8th Ave. Details, tickets, etc www.newfest.org.I'm looking forward to going to the

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-77571910205428725672007-06-04T13:38:00.000-07:002007-06-04T14:13:29.653-07:00

As you can no doubt see for yourselves, I've added a fancy new header with a picture of yours truly because I saw the words "Add a photo to your header!" on the blogger homepage. Now I can't decide if I like it or nay- it's rather large, since I'm not much for figuring out how to resize photos without mucking up the resolution, but that was such a lovely day last January, when it was 72 degrees

Elinoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-83945048678050179422007-05-31T20:15:00.000-07:002008-01-26T09:54:19.332-08:00

My sister has graduated from college and is coming to live with me (hurrah!) and this past weekend we spent a bit of time scurrying around starting to get things ready for our apartment. One of our endeavors was the acquisition of a bed for her, and luckily enough, she found one on Craigslist, being sold about a half a mile from our apartment.Unfortunately, there's a rather sizable park (with a

Elinoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-20693807412777087192007-05-30T09:11:00.000-07:002008-02-04T15:29:18.339-08:00

There was a big reunion at my college last weekend, and I didn't go, for a host of reasons revolving around other obligations in the city and overly complicated logistics around getting there. Now, reflecting on the opportunity I missed, I'm finding that my regret is definitely tinged with relief.I'm still nervous about returning to places in my life where there are people I'm no longer in touch

Elinoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21919276.post-25139902488562702282007-05-10T16:37:00.000-07:002007-05-10T17:17:25.273-07:00

So, I forgot to give myself my shot yesterday. It was only when Ro asked "so, how'd your shot go this morning?" late last night that I realized it was, in fact, Wednesday and while I'd been home and puttering around the house for a good two hours, I totally neglected my usual Wednesday morning ritual of masculine hygiene: brief workout, mostly of crunches/pushups; shower; shave; injection.I think

Elinoreply@blogger.com0